advent09 | cutting the cheese

Cutting the cheese will never be the same.

I realized this yesterday afternoon. My mom and sisters and I were at my parents' house getting ready to watch Julie & Julia together. We were waiting for my cousin Kristen to arrive; we couldn't very well start without her since she was the reason for this mid-afternoon movie-gathering. She is moving to Montana in two days.

The phone rang. I called out my prediction: "Kristen: I'm on my way." Kaylee answered the phone and started laughing, which meant I was right. Turns out it was mostly thanks to me she was late, however, we won't get into that here.

But back to the cheese.

Janae had pulled some out cheese to top the crackers and was getting ready to slice some. But then she glanced over her shoulder at me, "Or do you want to do it?" Which is when I realized that cutting the cheese will never be the same.

Kristen and her husband moved to Lewiston from the Portland area about seven years ago. Which means for the past seven years, all of us have gathered at my parents' house every (or almost every) Sunday after church for dinner. Things have changed a lot over that time; for one, it's gotten much louder, as five kids have taken turns joining the family. But so much has stayed the same.

My cutting the cheese, for instance. I don't know exactly how it all started, but it has a lot to do with the fact that Kristen is older than me. Which means she has the job of keeping me in line. Which means I have the job of getting out of it. Somehow being in her presence inspires me to all levels of impropriety; Jr. High boy humor jokes and self-centered theological claims are among the most common of offenses, but certainly my crimes have not ended there.

The thing is, I've never had an older sister, so I had a lot of pent-up pestering to do. Kristen was simply the perfect person to go to with those needs. She did already have a younger sister, but she's pretty nice, so really, I feel I contributed to her life experiences by being a younger sister that was annoying.

It was in the spirit of mild vulgarity and annoyance that this cheese thing began. In the little bit of assistance we offered my mom -- if it can even be called that -- I found myself one day slicing, or perhaps grating, some cheese. I called to Kristen: "Ask me what I'm doing!" "What are you doing, Michelle?" she replied sweetly. "I'M CUTTING THE CHEESE!" I hollered back, very unsweetly.

Thankfully, cheese is a regular part of our diet, so this routine played out -- in more or less the same way -- multiple times a month. My mom and sisters were in on it too, but it was Kristen's teasing look of disapproval that I was always after. (Of course, pretty quickly it was a tone of disapproval which came out as she complied with my request for her to ask what I was doing. It was as if she knew what was coming. Sigh.)

Which is why cutting the cheese won't be nearly as fun two days from now. Kristen and her husband (who, as a youth pastor, always supported my impropriety) and two beautiful girls are moving to the middle of nowhere, which is also known as central Montana. Where the towns don't have stoplights. Where it gets so cold that peeing outside in the winter becomes difficult. And where they won't be around to hear about it when I cut the cheese.

Usually all this talk about cutting the cheese would make me laugh. But it's not. Instead, I'm crying.

I'm really going to miss Kristen and her family. We've been through lots of tears together, lots of laughs. We've experienced significant life experiences together involving babies and jobs and death and the nearness of it.

I've learned so much from her; she is one of the most righteous people I know, forever desiring to be pure and in right relationship with God and others. In my prayers for her I sometimes find myself praying selfishly and I hear her kindly scolding me to instead ask God for His goodness in her life instead of what our human idea of goodness is. She is gracious, even when I have not been so to her. She is unendingly patient, which I can verify to because I have watched her wait for more things in life than anyone I've ever known. And she is right all the time, which I find a little annoying, but only because it typically means I'm wrong.

I will still slice and grate cheese after they move to Montana, and the jokes about it certainly won't end. They'll just be a little different for me because it will make me miss my dear cousin Kristen.

And of course, she will be so honored to know that I will think of her whenever I cut the cheese.